My leg is in a full cast.

Yes, my right leg is in a thigh to ankle fibreglass cast because I dislocated my kneecap. How, you ask? Well….er….actually it was a bedroom injury. Don’t believe me? I can send you the doctor’s report! Seriously, what follows is the honest truth of my injury:

It’s Thursday 23 Feb, about 7.30 am. I’ve gotten up, had a shower but then succumbed to my nice warm DM (dream man) in our nice warm bed enticing me to get back in and have a cuddle. Damn tempter! So we’re having a bit of a cuddle, and then he is on top of me (missionary position) with That Look in his eyes. I still have my PJs on, but that situation is about to be remedied when he changes position slightly, rolling on to my leg.

“Ow ow ow ow get off that hurts”, I shriek unromantically. He scrambles off me and watches as I pull my leg up. That’s when it all gets really scary. I can see that my kneecap has slid out of its alloted position and is perched on the outside of my knee. That’s when I start to scream. It’s funny how the real pain doesn’t kick in until you look at the injury. So I’m panicking.

He is so unbelievably calm. He makes me put my hands down (which had been clutched protectively around the misshapen knee), gently lifts my leg up and manipulates the leg until the kneecap slides back into place. I have never in all my life felt pain like it.

He gets me a bag of frozen peas to put on it, and I lie on the bed in the fetal position sobbing for about 20 mins until the pain dies down. We then go to Casualty (A&E) – and sit around for an hour and a half before anyone sees us! Anyway, I eventually get seen by a doctor, then sent to X-ray, then sent to the plaster room. (when the doc said ‘you’ll have to have a cast’, we both laughed because we thought he was kidding). Total of 5 ½ hrs spent in Casualty.

Eventually, all casted up, we depart. DM takes the next 4 days off work to take care of me, and I go back to work after a week and a day.

The day before I’m due to return to work, I have the original backslab plaster cast taken off. But then the doc says ‘You’ll have to wear a fibreglass cast for the next 4 weeks’. I waited to cry until we got back into the car.

But it’s ok. I am willing to suffer for my art. ‘Cast off’ day is 30 March. I just hope they don’t decide to put another one on.

PS: I really wish we’d been doing something more adventurous than the missionary position. I would love to be able to say ‘Watch out for page 56 of the Kama Sutra – it’s a bugger’.