Whinge, whinge, bloody whinge

My mum isn’t well (menopause-related problems) and has been more or less confined to bed for the last week or so. My dad is away, so naturally we are all rallying round to help wherever we can. Lola and my brother still live at home, so they’ve been doing as much as they can. My second sister (C) and her boyfriend (K) have also been round there every day after work, cooking, gardening, etc. C & K live in a rented bedroom and so do not really have a home of their own. K works fulltime but C only works 10-4.30. Their room is a 5 min walk from my parents’ place. Even when Mum is well, they’re round my folks’ most nights as my folks’ place is comfortable and nice, and they feel at home there. K likes gardening and handyman jobs, so he has been doing those for my folks for a while, as he doesn’t have his own home at the mo.

Now, I DO have my own home and my own responsibilities outside of work. I live further away (not massively far, bout 15 mins drive) and work longer hours. My SO thinks my parents are great but he hasn’t bonded with them like K has. He also works long hours and now has 2 jobs.

So here’s the rub. My mum is not well, and I have been round there 3 or 4x last week, including most of the weekend. I am doing all I can – helping her take a bath, doing the shopping, taking the dog for a walk, etc. And I feel guilty, because C & K are practically living there and I can’t. K has been giving me ‘why aren’t you helping more’ vibes and it’s driving me mad! I CAN’T DO ANY MORE!!! If I am to have any time with SO, any opportunity to do my own housework and occasionally a moment to myself, not to mention trying to see friends every now and then, I can’t be round there every evening. My mum says ‘Oh, I know you have your own life and I’m grateful for whatever you can give’, and to me that implies that I should be giving more. As if anything short of total self-annihilation is too little.

Now I have to say, this is mainly my own guilt and frustration talking. My mum has been very appreciative of my efforts, and the ‘why don’t you help more’ vibes are coming from BIL, not from Mum. But it still kills me. I’m the oldest, it has always been my role to take care of things if my dad is away. And this time I can’t do it.

Had to go into the toilets at work and have a little cry earlier. I rarely do that, but today it was necessary.